so spank me.

Its been a stressful few months, with the economy in nose dive, work’s been rather crappy. Plus, my area has VERY strict scheduling and senority things so its a pain even working as much as I want.

Been dancing for private events, something I actually love. People are so happy to see you, and you know your getting paid up front.  SO very comfy.

Due to our states very liberal laws, we are allowed to put on a DAMN good show, and I’ve actually had a lot of fun with my dancer partners.   Just had a show tonight that paid for girl on girl.  An absolute blast to do.  Although its weird thinking that I’ve had my face in several friends private parts in front of an audience.  Not a bad thought, just… amusing and weird.

I’d love it if this work was  steady enough for me to just ditch the clubs.  Its unfortunatly NOT, but I do what I can.

my momentum has been in a million different directions lately. Not really trying any new pole tricks, but have been learning hand balancing and a few other aerial acrobatic arts. I love it.  I love performing, improving.  Now, to find a feasable career path for myself.

Had some family drama that will be talked about in another post.

Also had a lot of inspiration for writing. I always had ideas moving through my head, and I analyze everythign I come in contact with.  So of course,the urge has hit to write something longer, a novel, something that i’ve put just as much thouht in as I ever did intaking apart someone elses work.  I’ve found myself going through my favorite genres, authors, pickign apart style, symbolism,ways of handling “taboo” topics…

THe stuff thats in my head is really dark, which is why I never seriously pursued writing before, beyond short stories.  But i think i could be a lot better at it, and it would be cathartic since my modeling career has temporarily sabotaged itself.  I feel to insecure about my short hair(not my decisiion to cut-it got damaged because of some medicatio and no longer looked thick and even)  I’m insecure about my weight, even while trying to avoid kcik starting my ED cycle a over again.  I think I’v e held up well, but it definitely sabotages work relations and makes it hard to get th momentum to put myself out to shoot.

Been dating a fair amount, but no die.  Everyones been flakey,disinterested, shitty in bed, immature.  So i’m better off onmy own, and happy that way.  I would like to attract a sugar daddy, as I’m very good at pampering others, and it would be a cozier way to earn money while tempering my antisocial tendencies.  But those are hard to find, and I seem to be more inept than most.

Ah well, I ahve my hopes up since we should be entering wedding season soon.  PLEASE LET ME GET A LOT OF BACHELOR PARTIES!

~ by dolcearia on February 14, 2009.